All is well...

 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

I am a hopeful person. I rarely get mad with people I really value. I know God made me this way for a purpose. I used to envy people who can put up a fight and has the pride to sustain their pride. I used to say to myself “I wish I can have a little of that courage.” If you will ask me at the start of 2012, I was very hopeful. This is the year my boyfriend for four years and I plan to get married. I had this unexplainable feeling of excitement. I declared that this is going to be my year. I prayed for it and I claimed it. But January has not yet passed and this great challenge came my way, my partner talked to me and asked me to give him space. I was really sad and could not comprehend what to do. I prayed earnestly and that I can say I never prayed like then before. I know in my heart God is going to answer my prayers.

The month of February came and God gave us the chance to talk. The conversation gave us a little of setting expectations. April came and I saw the big difference in his behavior day by day. It gave me a brand new hope. He invited me for a date to watch a PBA game and everything fell into place. One Sunday night of May, exactly 3 days before my birthday, I have received shockingly romantic question that answers what I’m praying for… he asked me "is this date ok with you"…. My beloved God’s gift had made his plan again of tying the knot and has told me that he doesn’t want any ordinary wedding for his princess.

I was surprise that I cried so hard, after couple of months I finally experienced the tears of real JOY. A Joy I have never felt for the longest time. I was really crying hard that I needed to go to our bathroom so no one can hear me. It was the answer that God has given me and so I thought.  The week after became very heavy, on the 8^th God took my dearest Lola in heaven. My heart is crying and cannot explain the pain I have that day.

God ever faithful gave me a word in my heart that he gave her a very peaceful death. My lola is suffering from cancer that manifested in an open wound for 7 years. I was at peace that my lola need not to suffer anymore.  I know in my heart my dream for her is to see me walk down the aisle. Even though it will not happen here on earth, I know she will look down on me from heaven.

Little did I know that I will struggle after the burial, I find myself crying whenever I’m in public transportation. I don’t know that Lola has this big impact in my individuality. In her loss I came to realize that she was the one who introduce me to belong to a Charismatic community and serve God. My lost lead me to become a dragging person. After a little while it reflected to my relationship again. 

All the while I thought I have solved my relationship problem, but not so soon fate has brought me back to zero again. The only person I love, that is not my kind, has given me the signals of a person losing out his love. I was dumbfounded with what’s happening on us. All of a sudden all the hard work was gone. His gone cold and I don’t know that it’s leading to break up.

After a month of sulking in the loss of my Lola, I found myself in a conversation of letting go with my God given true love. I can’t believe my eyes on what I see happening. A person who I have built my dreams with and has asked me his plan of a date as to when he wants to spend the rest of my life with me, gotten a twist of fate to find his purpose and leave me.

For days I am struggling to look for reasons why. I can’t comprehend and I became an unpleasant person to deal with. I asked for prayers with a lot of my closest friends and my closest cousin, Ate Joy. I can tell their prayers can move mountains! I found myself at peace. It brought me to a whole new level of hope. They never judged my loved one instead she prayed for him too. Their prayer goes with just one theme, to fulfill God’s beautiful plan for us. My cousin even asked that we’ll have the eyes to see God’s plan for the both of us that we may be guided by the Holy Spirit and be inspired

When you are in this phase of your life, you are like a sponge getting every lesson to be learned so you can become a better person. And just this afternoon I saw my loved ones FB shout that says “A key to succeeding in life is learning to adapt. We have to be willing to make adjustments to rise to a new level in God - Joel Osteen.”  I paused and felt that the Holy Spirit gave me a message telling me “I will use him and you for my greater glory individually. If I cause him to draw near and be attracted to you, I can also take it out in his heart so I can shape the both of you to better persons”. 
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Hearing those words in my heart I felt peace. Yes, sadness is still there and I miss him so much. How I wish I can correct all the things I have done but God’s plan for us is way beautiful than in our own way. If I just trust in the Mighty King, I can say that ALL is Well...